Pop Quiz: How Many Houses Do You Own? I know, it’s a tough one

Posted in News, Politics on August 21st, 2008 by Hyphen

Earlier today, Barack campaigned in Virginia and talked about McCain’s recent delusional comments. The Republicans have based their whole attack around this false premise that Obama is an “elitist,” or worse, an “other.” Keep in mind, McCain, just like Bush, Clinton, etc., is the product of an elite family from birth. Obama, on the other hand, grew up in a single parent home and was even on food stamps at one point. He worked incredibly hard to get where he is, without the help of a family name. McCain finished 894th in a class of 899 in college, and only got into the Navy because his father and grandfather were four star generals. Despite the Obamas recent financial success, their net worth is about 1/10th of McCain and his wife. Who is more likely to be an “elitist?”

But I digress, because I think it’s actually a pointless debate to have. All presidential candidates better be elite, but it’s clear they want to avoid the negative “elitist” tag. This is because every politician tries to pander to the lowest common denominator: the American moron. We have so many of them in this country, if you can paint your opponent as scary or different, you can generally win. However, McCain’s elitist attacks may start to backfire if he continues his string of recent hits:

  • Saying the economy has done well under Bush the last 8 years.
  • The man who wrote all McCain’s economic policies, Phil Gramm, declaring we’re a “nation of whiners” and the recent economic trouble is all mental.
  • Deciding at the Saddleback Church conference last weekend that in order to be rich, you need to be making around 5 million dollars a year. (CNN’s Jack Cafferty also commented on McCain’s scary performance here.)
  • And his most recent gem, not being able to remember how many houses he owns.

You know, here’s a new rule: If you don’t know how many houses you own, first off, you’re a moron, and secondly, you can’t be president. Simple as that.

Oh, and to answer the question, McCain’s campaign released a statement saying “at least 4.”  Closer inspection puts the number at 7. What morons.

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McCain’s Got 99 Problems

Posted in Politics on July 22nd, 2008 by Hyphen


My dad sent this over after seeing it on the Huffington Post and it’s definitely blog-worthy. Written by Seth Grahame-Smith.

John McCain is having such a bad July that writing about his collective woes would require the patience and talent of David McCullough. Since I have neither, I turned (as I often do) to the wisdom of Jay-Z, and listed the first 99 that came to mind:

99. Bush’s willingness to talk directly with Iran.
98. Bush’s new time “horizon” for troop withdrawals.
97. al-Maliki’s endorsement of Obama’s Iraq strategy.
96. Obama’s headline-dominating foreign tour.
95. His disagreement with the majority of Americans on Iraq.
94. His lack of economic expertise and policy.
93. Obama’s $52M June.
92. His $21M June.
91. 29% of the Latino vote.
90. 2% of the black vote.
89. Charles Keating (he’ll be back).
88. Vicki Iseman (she’ll be back).
87. Randy Scheunemann (he’ll be leaving).
86. His band-aid approach to energy (more drilling, more nuclear, a $300M “prize”).
85. His band-aid approach to healthcare (tax credits, more competition).
84. His band-aid.
83. Saying things like “I know how to win wars,” despite his never having won a war.
82. His wife.
81. His ex-wife.
80. The Hagee/Parsley un-endorsement debacle.
79. An uninspired base.
78. Ape rape.
77. His bff, Joe Lieberman.
76. His claim that Czechoslovakia still exists (it doesn’t).
75. His claim that Iran is training Al-Qaeda (they aren’t).
74. His claim that Iraq and Pakistan share a border (they don’t).
73. His claim that Somalia is the same place as Sudan (it isn’t).
72. His claim that Vladimir Putin is the president of Germany (he isn’t).
71. 71.
70. The images of 70,000+ screaming Democrats at Invesco Field.
69. Phil Gramm’s “nation of whiners” implosion.
68. His unwillingness to call the situation in Afghanistan “urgent.”
67. Steve Schmidt’s failure to right the ship.
66. A new generation of Evangelicals who don’t care what James Dobson thinks.
65. “C-nt.”
64. “I hate the gooks.”
63. His plan to resurrect Bush’s plan to privatize Social Security.
62. The writer’s rooms of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.
61. His tarmac birthday party with Bush — as Katrina made landfall.
60. “General Petraeus goes out there almost every day in an unarmed Humvee.”
59. His belief that Americans are better off than they were eight years ago.
58. His “Frankenstein on barbiturates” oratory skill.
57. His beyond-pathetic “Pump” ad, which blames Obama for $4.50 gas.
56. His “Obama Love” ad, which blames the MSM for his terribly-run campaign.
55. His computer illiteracy (c’mon…this is 2008).
54. A tax plan that doesn’t even TRY to hide the fact that it’s geared toward the wealthy.
53. Bob Barr.
52. Ron Paul.
51. Rupert Murdoch.
50. His gay adoption/marriage high wire acts.
49. His immigration high wire act.
48. His torture high wire act.
47. His drilling high wire act.
46. His tax cuts high wire act.
45. Not churchgoing enough for some evangelicals.
44. Too evangelical for some independents.
43. His temper.
42. “I know what [Iraqis] want.”
41. The starlet gap: McCain = Heidi Montag; Obama = Scarlett Johansson.
40. The Facebook gap: McCain = 173K supporters; Obama = 1.17M supporters.
39. His 1983-94 opposition to the Rev. Martin Luther King holiday.
38. His 2008 opposition to the Ledbetter Fair Pay [for women] Act.
37. His 2008 opposition to the G.I. Bill.
36. “100 years.”
35. Viagra-gate.
34. His 0% rating from Planned Parenthood.
33. His 0% attendance record for the last six Senate Afghanistan hearings.
32. “Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.”
31. David Plouffe.
30. David Axelrod.
29. Republicans losing elections in traditional GOP strongholds.
28. His October 2002 insistence that victory in Iraq would be “easy.”
27. His January 2007 insistence that he never said it would be “easy.”
26. A resurgent Taliban.
25. Europe’s Obamamania.
24. Kneeling at the feet of Jerry Falwell.
23. His penchant for gaffes.
22. 80% of Americans convinced we’re on the wrong track.
21. The National Review calling his campaign strategy “likely to fail.”
20. Another terrorist attack on U.S. soil “would be a big advantage to him.”
19. Record turnout in the Democratic primaries.
18. A free Osama bin Laden.
17. “Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran.”
16. A campaign hierarchy dominated by lobbyists.
15. Suggesting Obama is a “Socialist.”
14. The Dow Jones down 2,000 points for the year.
13. Foreclosures soaring, banks failing, and inflation at a 17-year high.
12. Still pushing his ridiculous, Big Oil-friendly gas tax holiday.
11. Being out-raised by Obama 2:1…in West Virginia.
10. His “no” vote on SCHIP (healthcare for poor children) reauthorization.
9. His support for overturning Roe v. Wade.
8. His consistent opposition to minimum wage increases.
7. Obama’s 50-state strategy.
6. Al.
5. Bill.
4. Hillary.
3. Mitt.
2. John McCain.
1. George W. Bush.

This doesn’t even include today’s horrible gaffe concerning the timeline and history of “the surge.” This man simply is not fit to be our President, regardless of his positions on certain topics. Of course, for the most part, those are horribly askew as well.

I can’t wait for November 5th.

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